Abby had jazz band tryouts today after school. Last year, I didn't know she was trying out for jazz band and I found out when she called me from the school to pick her up. This year, I knew she was trying out and she was super excited to play "You've Got a Friend in Me" as her audition piece.
Jazz band practice ends at 4, so I assumed that tryouts would also last until 4, since I saw nothing to the contrary on the information sheet.
At 3:30, when I was getting ready to leave, I heard a phone call come in from Abby saying that "Grandma is late to pick me up". My mother and I ran for the phone, but we couldn't catch her before she hung up. I grabbed shoes and a coat and ran to the car, both purse-less and bra-less and without brushing my hair, so I could get there as fast as possible. I made it there by 3:40 - 20 minutes earlier than I was to be there.
I pulled up in front of the school, directly in front of the door she would exit. I considered going inside, but I remembered the bra-lessness and lack of hair brushing and didn't want to go inside and be "that mom". I soon saw my friend Maria, who told me Abby had been in and outside several times and would likely be out soon. And soon it was...
She came out of the door and took three steps out of the required 30 or so to get to me and started to scream "YOU FORGOT ME!" as her face contorted and the tears began to fall. I quickly told her not to cry as a few teenage girls were waiting for their rides and I didn't want them to witness the inevitable meltdown that was on the way. When I got into the car, she alternated sobbing and accusing me of forgetting her. She was leaning over in the car, clutching me, bawling. Sadness. Anger. Sadness. Anger. She told me that she had been waiting for hours, that she was starving and she was dying of thirst. By this point, she was so upset - she was just yelling anything at me that she could.
I later found out that she began to cry inside the school, while waiting for me. A few friends comforted her and told the band teacher, who was viewing other auditions. He called my house again and my mother told him I was there to pick her up..
As we drove home, I told Abby that she is the most important person in my life and that I would never forget to pick her up. I told her when she needed me that I left the house with no bra and without brushing my hair. She sniffled and said "But your hair looks beautiful".
Time is abstract. Abby doesn't understand it. If I wake her at 6:59 and she looks at her clock, she is HIGHLY upset that I woke her up early. She doesn't understand that one minute is a very small time of sleep and that it isn't a big deal. To her, it's a big damn deal. She wants to be awoken at 7 a.m. - precisely 7:00 on the dot. She wants me to be waiting outside her school, even when she is done a half hour early. It doesn't cross her mind to look at her watch and be patient. She expects me to be there. Her demands are not because she is spoiled, they are because she can't process what happens next when her schedule changes unexpectedly.
Every day with autism isn't easy - in fact some of them really stink. But you have that moment that makes you understand what you are working for when your child tells you that your unbrushed hair is beautiful.
This is our Autism Speaks Walk Team, Abby's Angels. We will be walking on June 1st through Pittsburgh - if you are local - please mark your calendar and consider joining us.
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